You ever tried drowning out the voices in your head with music? Well It doesn’t work. It’s been hard to work on music when I can always hear somebody talking in my headphones. Attempting to approach my rough patches in life non violently has caused me to vomit when I’m upset. When I’m pissed I run off so I can be alone and I vomit like a fucking Family Guy character. It’s so much harder to be optimistic now. One step forward and I get falcon-punched 100 feet back. Get a new job. Almost get annihilated by oncoming traffic when your car spins out. Trying my best not to get high or drunk when I feel like shit and I really failed recently. I hadn’t touched _____ in almost 2 years. Shitty part about it is it didn’t make me feel good like it used to. I actually feel worse. Irony.
Check out Mario Anthony, Pr0tege and myself dropping lines over Drake’s “Pound Cake” instrumental from his album “Nothing Was The Same”. This is the first release from Insomniac Dreams Music Group (IDMG)’s upcoming mixtape titled Gang Activity.
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When people say “I’m proud of you” I thank them. I don’t know why though. Am I just being polite? Am I happy that somebody acknowledges that I’m not just crazy for the sake of being crazy? Is it all pride? If you knew I cried myself to sleep every night would you still be proud of me? Would you still tell me how “strong” I am? Are you stronger if you cry when no ones looking? Or are you just a coward?
I’m at a point where I see everything differently. I don’t really feel like I’m growing up or becoming more mature. I think I’m regressing. I’ve never been afraid before. I’ve never been so nervous. I’ve never wanted so bad for somebody to understand me before. I feel like a little kid. I know people don’t get me. I know nobody cares if it isn’t convenient for them. But I’ve always been ok with that. I can’t say I feel like that now.
I bought a car just so I could runaway.
Like the scared little kid I am.